A Week Out of the Past

Well CashMoney's fundraiser was this week which set the scene for the return of AngelEyez, my last girlfriend. Needless to say, I was nervous about seeing her and thought about it much of the week. Many of my thoughts were on how things ended between us and what transpired afterwards.

Without getting into details, I basically screwed AngelEyez over emotionally then made it worse by getting involved with her one-time best buddy, MrA. I feel most guilty for the first part because I was not a good boyfriend, and basically lied to her about my involvement with men (at this time in my life I was under the delusion I was Bi). In the end, she got tired of my lack of commitment and we split.

As for getting involved with MrA, her best buddy, I didn't know till a year later, after she had left for the West Coast, that AngelEyez had made him promise never to get involved with me. But he did, and when she found out - that was it. She swore both of us, and I dumped MrA. My first really gay relationship had ended up like my last straight one did.

The fundraiser was at a private club on the South Shore where about a hundred people had crowded the room, ready to write checks to for the campaign. Looking around I didn't notice anyone famous or important, but CashMoney told me these were the people with the real money. Finally, AngelEyez showed up with some guy (not my type), and the pit in my stomach began to grow.

Always one easy to locate in a crowd, it didn't take her long to see me. Seeing those eyes again, I remembered what I fell for the first time I met her. It was hard to read her expression at first but then she smiled. The pit in my stomach disappeared. Instinctively, I grabbed her and hugged her which I think caught her off-guard. She introduced her guy, who turned out to be her boyfriend which told me marriage #one didn't work out.

While her boyfriend worked the room (he's a friend of the UnionGuy), AngelEyez and I took the time catch up. If there was any hostility in her, it wasn't evident, as most of our conversation focused on the positive. She came home from the West Coast after getting a new job offer. I told her I was a servant of corporate America. She and the Ex had one child, a little girl. I told her I spared the world of my offspring but had been with the same "person" for the past twelve years. She laughed, seeing my sarcasm had changed little over the years.

When it came time for the UnionGuy to talk, AngelEyez rejoined her man and I found CashMoney who I wanted to give props for another good party. He could tell by my mood that things had went well with AngelEyez, and joked that I might be going back to the other side. I squeezed his arm and assured him I wasn't going anywhere.

As I do at most of CashMoney's functions, I exited early but wanted to say goodbye to AngelEyez first. I was polite and friendly when I found her with her man, not wanting to ruin the good vibes. But on the way out AngelEyez followed me to the coat check, where she wanted to give me her number and told me to call. I was hesitant at first, not wanting to give her the wrong idea, but she put me in my place right off. "And don't say you going to call, and then file the number in the trash." She made me laugh. Like she use to. She knew me too well. That's why one should never get involved with a Shrink.

Driving home that night, I found myself flashing back to my time with AngelEyez, which came at a time of big changes in my life. I was approaching 30, working with crazy children and their families had made me crazy and I was living two different lives - one with her, one with whatever guy I was seeing that month. And when it all came crashing down that spring, she was just one of the many victims of the fall out.

It's funny how different people can represent different points in your life. In all our lives there is always that one person (wife, boyfriend, best friend, family) who is there for you - through good and bad. And as time goes on, they come to represent that time in your life. Both the good and bad.

In AngelEyez, I saw the bad - my insensitive, self centered and destructive ways. But also in her I saw the good - the coming of age, the realization that I had to change or I was going to drive myself to an early grave.

I may have not reached my final destination yet, but I know I am on the right path. My recent struggles with unhappiness I know realize stems from the refusal to accept things as they are. It's not that I want more out of life, it's that I know there is more to life and just want to experience it. As Obamakin says to me often, "You're never satisfied". My reply is, "Why should I?"

Marathon of a Week

It was crazy weekend in Boston, with the Marathon, Celtic and Bruin Playoffs and the Red Sox at Fenway. Went into town both days because the weather was so nice, and everywhere you went it was crowded. Between locals just wanting to get out after the long winter, and all the runners and tourist, people were everywhere. After a few hours of shopping and boy watching downtown, I decided I had enough of the mobs and retreated back to Slummerville.

Obamakin, in one of his moments of drunken clarity, said it perfectly when he told me, "You're the kinda of guy you might not take home to your mother, but you are the kinda of guy you want to bring home for one night to see what's it all about." I laughed, even though I wasn't sure what he meant about "what's it all about?"

Here's another weekly example of incompetence running amok at my job, SIC, just your average dysfunctional American company. It still amazes me with all this technology, but it still takes three different people to change a name on a client's account. And if one doesn't do their job (which is daily), it throws the whole system into a tizzy.

My and theMan’s pussy, 2pac, continues to put on the pounds. The cat eats everything - tuna, cat snacks, chips, and bacon to mention a few. We should've called his fat ass Biggie instead. Looks as if 2pac is just taking after theMan, who is also putting on some poundage. Both need to stop snacking.

Wondering the other day what would happen to the race for President if McCain chose Colin Powell as his VP.

Playing hoop the other day with my friend, Hank, he told me that he was breaking up with his BF of six years. Although I knew there had been problems but was stunned that it had gotten to this point. When I asked why, Hank, who I admit is cold sometimes, replied plainly "Because I'm bored." At first I was caught off guard by his reply and had little to say after that. But a few days later, I realize I can relate to what he was saying.

On the prowl this weekend, I ran into another buddy, ABL, while at the Machine. The slick Asian boy was on the prowl as usual, and looked good. I also ran into one of theMan's friends, who wondered where he was and made some catty remark about me cruising ABL. I ignored him even though I wanted to tell the fat fuck he was jealous no one was cruising his smelly ass. All said with love, of course.

I went to Paradise the next night which was a drag for the first hour or so, but things got interesting after that. After a few drinks and a session with KMan outside, I decided to start dancing. Then out of no where comes this Asian guy, who I recognized from the trips to Providence. For a while he danced in front of me, shaking his tight little ass and eventually shredding his shirt. We danced for the final half hour of so, and it took everything within me not to put my hands on him. Even as he stirred closer and closer to me. By the time I left I was horny as hell and wish for one moment I didn't have to go home. Then I came back to reality, put some Leona Lewis and took a cab home.

Seven More Days

* Talking to Mama2tone on the phone the other day, I found myself wondering how a woman who was educated by Nuns and goes to Church regularly can use the Lord’s Name in vain as much as she does.

* Preparing for the week, and going over our plans, I realized how little theMan and I actually do together anymore. We’ve come to a point in our lives, where he’s satisfied with life, content with hanging out at home, while me, on the other hand, remains restless and in search of something to re-ignite that fire in me.

* Had lunch with Obamakin this week, where we spent most of the hour talking about his own man problems. But as I tell my friends often, I am the last one to ask for relationship advice, given my own track record. For me, each person and relationship is different. The only real advice one can give in the end is - when in doubt, pause. Better to step back and clear your head than to make rash decision you’ll regret later. As for Obamakin, he’ll be okay - guys like him don’t have any problems finding new men.

* Sitting in a department meeting the other day at SIC, I kept thinking how out of step much of Corporate America is. Companies like SIC have become as big and bloated as the Government, with too many people with titles and not enough people actually doing something. In an age where everything is happening at a faster pace, Corporate America (hello GMC, Ford) plods along as if its on a Sunday drive. Until Corporate America reshapes the way it does business, the rest of the World will continue to profit at our expense.

* Got a phone call from Flipboy who will be back in Boston again this week. He wants to hang out, which I’m reluctant about given our history. But then again, nothing else is going on these days and he might be just what I need to snap me out of this fog. Maybe I’ll bring him to the fundraiser CashMoney is planning - to help deal with seeing AngelEyez for first time in years.

* Went rollerblading one morning this weekend for the first time this season. After working out some kinks, catching my wind and settling my racing heart, it actually turned into a pretty nice ride. Listening to my tunes, the trek from Harvard Square to MGH went fairly smoothly - given there were few people out due to the cold and drizzly. It felt good to get out after a winter of being caged in. Maybe next time the Sun will be out.

* Finished the weekend catching up on my sleep and going out mostly. Friday night, I went by Machine which was cool after I did another Kiss-and-Run with some guy I met. On Saturday night, I was more subdued and ended up hanging out with one of my buddies - Kman - who has a new “friend” who I can only call Yummie. We smoke some weed where I couldn’t keep my eyes off the slender sex-pot as I was thinking to myself “Great - another temptation.”

* Yesterday, LordVader sent one of his peons to deliever a CD he made for me which I ended up listening to at my desk. It started with his usual catty remarks before moving into the music. As I listened, I could only imagine who he was “doing” at the time he was recording. The Dark One's subtle way of trying to play mind games with me. Afterwards, I did what I did with the other CDs - locked in my desk drawer. Someday they may be worth something.

* Had a dream about PrettyEyez the other night, which was unsettling since I've done my best to avoid him and not think about him. I guess ignoring him isn't going to get it done.

One Week at a Time

Spent most of the week cleaning up messes - some self inflicted.

* Made peace with TheMan this week, with dinner and a nice night out, which reminded me that at one point in our lives we actually enjoyed stuff like this.

* Struggled at work trying to finish a project while construction guys and movers swarmed around preparing for our move while renovations are done. Typical SIC, we had our worse quarters in years and our stock plummets, so what does the Band of Bozo’s running the company do - keep spending.

* Ran into another face from the past, C, one day while shopping. It's always awkward running into someone who's only connection you is one night in bed. But C was always cool, and friendly - even after he found out who I was. We talked for a bit and agreed to keep in touch after he gave me his number. Afterwards, I added it to my long list of numbers I’ll probably never call.

* Visited one of the schools I worked years ago to visit some friends and join them for drinks afterwards. It struck me how little had changed for many of them, besides the wear and tears of their profession. Their talk was dominated by children and their jobs, which reminded me of why I left. Later, I approached my old friend, MrGreen, about the real reason why I had come by - to find out what he knew about BlueEyez being back in town. The nappy hair giant hadn't heard anything about her but would ask around - then delivered a shot by suggesting I ask MrA. Wiseass! (Side note - MrA is a story for another day).

* Had to listen to my friend, MsHillary, who in her mid-fifties has become one of those loyal members of Hillary’s army. In Hillary, she sees a lot of herself and her own life story so she remains a steadfast supporter of her, despite her fight with Obama. She was incensed about a Boston Globe article regarding her girl and vowed not to vote "any of those son of a bitches" if she didn't win. Tired of the same old boy's politics, this women, like many others like her, have drawn their line in the sand with Democratic Party - either let a woman run things for once or its hello four more years of Republican rule. How serious the potential threat to an Abomey campaign the disenfranchising of thousands of woman supporters remains to be seen but if they're anything like MsHillary, the damage could be disastrous in another close election.

* Went out one night alone and saw PrettyEyez, which lead me to do a 180 and exit. Not that I was being shady, I just find it hard to be around him without remembering that night. Weeks later, I still can't shake the flashbacks of our night together. Ended up at P where I danced with this cute black guy who I had never seen before. We barely said two words most of the night but he had nice lips - if u get my drift.

* Finally, I was summoned to the tower by LordVader, who after several weeks of silence wanted to see me again. We had dinner, where we talked mostly about him which I didn’t mind because it was less time spent talking about me. As I listened to him, I thought how both hypnotizing and scary the dark one could be. Unlike most of the men in my life, Vader does little to hide who he is, what he wants and how he feels about something. Unfortunately, it usually comes at the expense of others. After a few more hours of our usual visit, I made my exit and made the long walk to South Station in the rain - but it did little to wash away the nasty feeling I had.